


Ruminations From The Confines of a V.I.B.

by GutsAllegoryRam



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Gen, Nightclub, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 01:39:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1491994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GutsAllegoryRam/pseuds/GutsAllegoryRam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave is out at a nightclub while Karkat stays in. It's not long before Dave harasses Karkat by text.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ruminations From The Confines of a V.I.B.

**Author's Note:**

> I was actually at a nightclub recently, with no-one to talk to, so I pulled out my phone and tried to strike up a convo on MSPARP. The Karkat disconnected, but I was too pleased with the idea to let it go. I wrote half in the venue (I was so nervous someone might see it and read it)) and finished it at home the following day.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --  
TG: karkat you gotta help me  
CG: WITH WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE OUT PARTYING.  
TG: well yes and no  
TG: im out partying but i am not enjoying myself  
CG: PARADOX SPACE TO DJ FUCKTRUCK TRAINWRECK BEATMATCH- YOU HAVE LEGS. USE THEM TO PEDAL YOUR WAY OUT OF THERE IF YOU'RE NOT HAVING FUN.  
TG: no dude like  
TG: i dont mind it here  
TG: honest  
TG: i just  
TG: i dont have anyone i can talk to  
CG: ...  
CG: ACTUALLY, HOLD ON A SECOND. I'M GOING TO TAKE A MOMENT TO ACTUALLY LAUGH AT YOU. THIS IS, BEYOND ANY GHOST OF A DOUBT, THE RICHEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.  
CG: AND I MEAN RICH LIKE THE CONDESCE HERSELF.  
CG: DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THE COOLKID EXTRAORDINAIRE DAVE STRIDER IS AFRAID TO STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION, DARE I EVEN INSINUATE...  
CG: SHY?  
TG: dude  
TG: SHUT THE FUCK UP  
TG: i could hit up anybody i know to chat  
TG: anyone  
TG: but ill have you know, that much as our checkered past  
TG: no  
TG: much as our love-n-drangled past might dictate otherwise  
TG: i still consider you a close friend  
TG: now you can take it or leave it  
TG: and im sure rose will leap at the opportunity to tool on me  
TG: but you know what, ive bestowed you with the honorary title of bro  
TG: have you any idea how lofty and significant that title is  
TG: i dont take it lightly  
TG: and here i am, talking with you  
TG: what now  
CG: SIGH.  
CG: SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.  
TG: gonna have to clue me into what kind of sighs those were  
TG: were those designer sighs from the fall 2014 shut-the-everloving-fuck-up line or  
TG: were those thrift store sighs with a worn out 'dave might have a point' price tag  
TG: because ill tell you, there's a little pawn shop down the street  
TG: and theyre stocking those exact same sighs  
TG: marked down to 'get off your fucking high horse i was there for you while you reconciled with terezi' prices  
TG: act now and get a free 'least you can do is keep me company because i probably wouldve brought you along and paid your way in' sigh  
TG: ill even throw in a matching 'i wouldve had a lot of fun with you here anyway' handbag  
TG: because emotions can totally be expressed through handbags  
CG: OK, OK, SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
CG: SHUT.  
CG: THE FUCK.  
CG UP.  
CG: YOU MADE YOUR POINT ALREADY, JUST. FUCKING… STOP.  
CG: HOW THE FUCK AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO KEEP YOU COMPANY ANYWAY? WHAT SHOULD WE TALK ABOUT?  
TG: well, i have an idea  
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE NOT GOING TO SKYPE CALL ME.  
TG: dude no of course not id look like a fucking goon and you wouldnt ever hear me over the music anyway  
CG: OH. WELL YEAH, I GUESS THERE’S THAT THEN.  
TG: oh i remember now you couldnt ever figure out how to get skype to work  
TG: man that was a hoot, and id pegged you as the technologically literate type  
CG: FUCKING DROP IT, YOU PHILISTINE.  
TG: ok ok sorry youre being nice and I have to be nice  
CG: SO WHAT DO WE DO?  
TG: .  
CG: ?  
TG: !  
CG: ???  
TG: #$%@  
CG: STRIDER, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NONSENSE? HAVE YOU LOST ALL THE LETTERS ON YOUR POCKET TRANSMITTER?  
TG: no i just wanted to see how far we could go without using text  
TG: like you responded with question marks and i thought id run with it  
CG: RUNNING THROUGH A FIELD OF SHOUT POLES, NUMERIC HATCHETS AND INQUERY HUMPS.  
TG: yeah well the original dot was to signify  
TG: i had an idea but i wasn’t sure how to say it  
TG: well no i know exactly how im going to say it but I wasn’t sure I wanted to  
CG: OH THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD.  
TG: shut up nubnuts  
CG: COME ON, OUT WITH IT.  
TG: …you have to promise you will share this  
TG: with a grand total of noone  
CG: OH THIS IS GOING TO BE _REALLY_ GOOD.  
TG: dude i mean it  
TG: real talk  
CG: WHAT’S THAT, I WAS POSTING A SCREENCAP OF ALL THIS CONVERSATION TO FACETOME.  
TG: IM DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS KARKAT  
TG: this must reach noone  
CG: SIGH.  
CG: FOR CLARIFICATION, THAT WAS A ‘ENOUGH FUCKCUNTING AROUND, I PROMISE IT WILL REACH LESS THAN NO-ONE.’  
TG: who taught you the word cunt  
CG: I LEARNED IT FROM THAT DELIGHTFUL BRITISH BROADCAST PROGRAM.  
CG: MALCOLM TUCKER THE DALEK FUCKER.  
CG: YOU KNOW, ONCE I GOT MY HEAD OUT OF MY ASS ABOUT HUMAN STORYTELLING IT’S… NOT HORRIBLE.  
TG: jesus christ who got you into doctor who  
TG: id rather see you watching ru pauls drag race than doctor who  
CG: OH NO, I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT DOCTOR WHO.  
CG: BUT THAT HUMAN THESPIAN WAS IN ANOTHER, INFINITELY MORE ENTERTAINING SERIES OF MOVING IMAGES.  
TG: ok, you can stop explaining this and pick it back up  
TG: ohhh i dunno  
TG: never from now  
CG: SO BE IT.  
CG: WHAT WAS THE IDEA YOU HAD?  
TG: .  
CG: …YES?  
TG: i wanted to uh  
CG: YES?  
TG: make believe  
CG: …  
CG: ALRIGHT…  
TG: that you were here  
CG: …  
TG: with me  
CG: .  
TG: youre copying me  
CG: GO ON. I BELIEVE YOU WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF PROPOSING THE SINGLEMOST TRAGICALLY PITIFUL IDEA EVER COMMITTED TO NEURONS.  
TG: im gonna cry now  
CG: NO, WAIT. HOLD ON.  
CG: I’M SORRY, OK? I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN SIMILARLY MISERABLE IN YOUR POSITION, JUST…  
CG: DON’T HUMILIATE YOURSELF TO ANYONE BEYOND ME BY LETTING THEM SEE YOU CRY.  
TG: ok  
TG: but like, i know youre not here  
TG: but could you just kind of wing it  
TG: maybe pretend youre sitting on this couch next to me  
TG: just  
TG: pretend I have a friend here  
CG: .  
CG: WHY DID YOU WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES INSIDE?  
TG: to look cool  
CG: IT ALMOST MAKES UP FOR THE FACT THAT YOU WORE YOUR GOD TIER CLOAK TO A FUCKING NIGHTSPADE.  
TG: nightclub  
CG: NIGHTCLUB.  
TG: they like goofy clothes at this joint  
TG: and i always get complimented on my fluffy and personable cape  
TG: besides, i cant even fathom how security let your through with that sweater on  
TG: tonight probably marks the start of the brand new bouncer frisk quadrant  
CG: ((WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANY OF THAT MEANS.))  
TG: …  
TG: ((ok hold up, are you using parentheses to address me, like, outside of our little nightclub sitdown fantasy))  
CG: ((YES.))  
TG: ((karkat))  
CG: ((WHAT?))  
TG: ((you are like, the best friend anyone could ever ask for))  
CG: ((WHAT THE FUCK, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?))  
TG: ((you are going the extra mile to pose me this question))  
CG: ((UHM, I GUESS.))  
TG: ((but i mean like))  
TG: ((you could have just flat out asked, without making any effort to distinguish that question))  
TG: ((but you didnt))  
TG: ((you used parentheses to cordon it off, so as not to permeate the reality of our vip imaginarium bubble))  
CG: ((DID YOU JUST CALL IT A VIP IMAGINARIUM BUBBLE?))  
TG: ((yes))  
CG: ((THAT’S RETARDED, AND I’M REPULSED TO SAY I KIND OF LIKE THAT NAME.))  
TG: ((point taken))  
TG: ((but i was about to ask))  
TG: ((does it ever dawn on you, how considerate gestures like that are))  
CG: ((I… GUESS THEY DO?))  
TG: ((and for your information, im talking about a safety ritual you have to go through before they let you in))  
TG: ((some big dude checks you for a valid id and pats you down to see youre not concealing drugs or weapons or shit))  
CG: ((OH.))  
TG: ((yeah, big puffy sweaters arent banned but they definitely arent popular))  
CG: ((WHERE WERE WE-))  
CG: ((BOUNCER FRISK QUADRANT, I… I ACTUALLY LAUGHED OUT LOUD NOW THAT I GET THE JOKE.))  
TG: ((karkat im never going to find a better friend than you))  
CG: ((THANKS DAVE. I REALLY MEAN THAT.))  
TG: ((…you know what uh, lets give the pretend vip lounge a rest for a bit))  
TG: ((that outburst kind of got me))  
TG: ((a little emotional))  
CG: ((Y-YEAH, I THINK I NEED A MOMENT TOO.))  
TG: ((well uh))  
TG: ((well meet back up in the bubble in a few minutes))  
TG: ((i need to go dab my eyes over by the woofer, where no one will see me))  
CG: ((YEAH, I THINK I’LL BE DOING THE SAME THING.))


End file.
